"Sorry," I said. "I don't have any cash on me." Usually that's true - I don't carry cash. But as it happened, tonight I had borrowed 6 Pounds from Somer. So I even had a 1 Pound coin that I could have given him. All of this flashed through my head right after the words came out of my mouth.
As I walked away, I began to think that I should turn and give the guy a pound. But I didn't. I wondered what he'd do with it. Was he really legit? Would he steal my wallet when I took it out to get the money? Would he use my Pound for a beer instead of petrol?
As I drove away, I realized that maybe my earlier thinking about generosity hadn't really changed me all that much. Crap!! I hate it that I'm freakishly fearful, analytical, and selfish when it comes to giving strangers money. It's not so much that I should have given this guy money on this particular occassion (though probably I should have). It's more that I don't have a well-thought-out theology of generosity. I don't have a plan for how to give liberally. So when people ask - my gut reaction is to say 'no'.
I really need to take this to the Lord.
2 comments:
i've been thinking about generosity over the last couple of months as well. probably a good thing, since i'm asking other people to be generous with what they have.
what i've come to is that generosity has less to do with giving and more to do with an attitude toward your resources. it comes back to provision--is it up to you to provide for yourself, or are you really going to believe that God is Jehovah Jireh? because if he's the one providing, then the resources aren't yours to hoard--or squander--anyway. i'm saying resources because i've been realizing that this applies to a lot more than just money for me. emotional energy, time, insight... there are a lot of things i try to control.
i'm still not sure what i think about giving to people on the street, though. i've spent a lot of time feeling guilty... a lot more time rationalizing. i think right now i'm just waiting for the Spirit to move and convict me if i need to be convicted.
After much thinking about giving, I finally came to the conclusion that in the case of the petrol, go with him to the station, fill the can and you pay the attendant. In the case of hunger, direct them to a shelter or buy food and give it to the person. But I would never give them cash.
Carol
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