Sight & Smell 101: The use of candles, inscence and highly flamable materials in worship
Sight & Smell 201: Drug identification for non-users
Restraint & Removal 101: How to safely remove a stoned teenager who outweighs you after he punches another member of the youth club. I'll tell you all about it later this evening.
Restraint & Removal 102: Weapons - how to remove 'em, how to use 'em. An advanced self-defense course focussing on weaponry. Provides a complete overview of weapons that are commonly found in Churches and youth clubs, including pool cues, mugs of hot tea, candle sticks, and the ever dangerous pulpit Bible. Also includes instructions for creating and maintaining an amnesty box at the entrance to your facility.
Government 301: Police involvement - when to call them, how to give a statement, when to press charges
Sermon Delivery 301: Advanced sermon techniques, including how to out-swear the kids who are
That's all I got for now. Anybody else have any thoughts on what should be included in the seminary curriculum?
4 comments:
i'm laughing.
and grinning, because i don't know that you would have thought those courses necessary a year ago.
come visit my blog: www.ruhamah.blogspot.com. i'm still playing around with it.
Awesome Stuff Dan :)
Leave it to a seminary guy though to desire classes over experience! You're still young enough though to enter the army for a few years.... haha ...and the army will actually pay you!
I guess there actually is a need in London for an ex-military missionary
Bloody brilliant! Time for Westminster to create a Non-Pansy track in the MDiv program (oops, programme, now you're in the land of Brit-speak). You can be the Associate Professor of Ecclesiastical Bouncing.
Doug
Well Doug, I'm not ready for the position yet. Truth is, the class wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The guy wouldn't actually demonstrate any restraint techniques because he isn't a qualified instructor and didn't want to show us something that was incorrect or dangerous. So it was lots of talk, which was helpful, but not much else. I'd give it a C+/B-
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